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 Ordinary Till I Woke

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Natoxi
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PostSubject: Ordinary Till I Woke   Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:29 am

Static, the familar "get the hell up" noise buzzed through my ears. I turned over, annoyed by the unwelcomed noise. My eyes hadn't even bothered to open yet. My tiny hand reached forward, feeling the smooth surface of the clock. My finger tips gently grazed over the steel blue buttons, down along the side of it. "Where...are..." Finally my index finger slid down one of the buttons, taking it down with it. The static stopped and I had a moment of silence.

My eyes slowly opened, looking at the time finally. "Seven twenty, what the shite!" I leaned forward towards the alarm clock with my index and thumb. I managed to manipulate the alarm clock so it would awaken me at seven-thirty five. I surveyed the area around me; it was so grey. If only the sun would come out and make the grey walls green and white, the colour they were suppose to be. The lack of sun is what makes me sleep in longer. If the sun doesn't rise, Bry doesn't rise.

It was black for a few moments till static rudely awakened me again. I lazily reached to turn off the alarm, grumbling about how I should have awakened earlier to wash my hair. I could feel the grease, making me cringe as I resisted to get out of bed. My eyes had darted down to change my brain's topic. I began recollecting memories of the previous night.

Another grumble escaped my throat as I slinked out of bed. The urge to pass urine had gone beyond my body's legal limit. It was a do or die situation. Either put yourself through a mass amount of pain holding it in or go to the bathroom. I obviously went to the bathroom. I had reasons to live after all.

My bare feet dragged across the cold tile, inching my way closer to the tiolet. My sister left the bathroom light on as usual. She never really grasped the whole "conserving energy" concept. I rolled my eyes, taking a moment to enjoy sweet relief.

Sweet relief for only sixty seconds that is...

I stood up, fixing my night attire. I looked into the mirror above the porcelain sink. Even though I had an odd or so ten minutes to get ready, I was trapped. My own eyes were my weakness. I had to stop, stare at them. Why I was always so fixated on them was beyond me. Even though I was fully aware that I was watching my eyes in the mirror, fully conscious, I couldn't look away. Why? Was I mad at them because they depressed my mother? Did I find them beautiful?

My attention then wandered to my greased, tangled hair. Three thoughts argued for attention in my mind as I stood there, captivated by myself. The first thought was I should have awakened earlier to wash my hair; the second thought was ways to fix the situation and thirdly the thought was the same thing my mother would nag me about in times like these.

I ran my fingers through my hair, still thinking about my sleeping mother. "If you took the time to give a damn you could be really pretty. Just put on some make up, lose some weight and you'll have all the boys you want." I stuck out my tongue, my mental voice mocking her.

"All the boys here are stupid." I muttered outloud, turning to the skinny white drawer behind me. I reached for a skinny blue brush within the drawer. It was slightly transparent, cool to the touch. It wasn't even my brush but I used it anyways. I was in a hurry. I just silent prayed that my sister continued to blow dry her hair in the next room over. If she found me with that brush...I couldn't even bring myself to make a mental image.

I quickly grabbed my mother's white with black speckles head band. "This is a quick fix I hope." I muttered, quickly slipping it atop my head. If I wasn't so fixated on fixing my hair I'd probably would have taken the time to realize that I had a bad habit of talking out loud to myself.

You never really notice these things till you're forced to. Now, even if I knew was I even going to bother to stop? Doubtful. I need to keep sane somehow.

Anyways, I briskly walked back into my bedroom. I flicked on the lights, taking in the brightness of the green and white walls. I couldn't take the time to appreciate them. I had less than ten minutes to get ready now.

My eyes darted along the floor like hungry snakes. I was looking amongst the scattered articles of clothes for my bra. I spotted one, not the pink one I wanted, but I was rushing so I couldn't complain. I quickly scooped it up like a hawk. I wrapped it around my wrist, throwing off my red night gown with haste. I threw it on the floor to join its brothers.

Fast forwarding for the time being: bra slipped on by unconvential means, hopping back and forth between my closet. White t-shirt, grey jeans, pirate bunny sweater, it all came on. It was going well till I began to grow conscious of my physical self to the fullest extent. Real time resumed.

My nose wrinkled as my naturally tanned body began to reak of something foul. Body odour, another consequence to my laziness. "Oh for shite sakes, aunt steakums pancake batter, lord of the mother effin' flies!" Profanity spewed from my mouth, jumping clear across the tiny compound I dwelled in.

I rushed down the stairs, skidding across the fake wooden floors before sharply turning left. I hastily rushed down the stairs, tossing away my stair safety manuel. I swore I memorized like a devote Christian and his bibel.

I didn't even bother turning on a light. I reached for my deodourant, my body spray and my cellphone. Applied the first two, quickly pacing up the stairs as I checked my phone. Two missed messages. One message was from 10:49 from Tal: "Good night, sweet dreams." Dismissed. Second one was from Inan at 7:34: "Good morning." I replied with the same haste as I did to get myself ready. Time froze for this. Hapens all the time when I text.

"Good mornin' o3o; How are yew?" Sent. Time resumed.

I was in the kitchen now. My mother was making coffee as I slammed into the fridge. Not even taking a moment to wallow in the painful fridge to Bry collision. I was already pulling our two slices of Kraft cheese as my mother spoke up.

"Someone looks tired." Her voice sounded as bitter as her coffee smelled. SHe leaned against the counter, keeping out of my train wreak.

"Yeah-huh." I was already putting my max effort into getting ready to leave in three minutes. I grabbed a knife quickly, then a whole wheat bun. I cut if without hesitating, disregarding my own safety.

"Didn't you wash your hair?" A tony full of spite, aiming to insult.

"Yeah-huh." I slid to the fridge, digging for the Miracle Whip, of course, someone had to put in the back of the fridge for my inconvenience. I grumbled more profanity as I rescued the giant jar from the crowd of butter, milk, barbeque sauce, and meatballs from two dinners ago.

Mother threw another insult but I was too busy putting my cheese sandwich together. I didn't even take the time to care what she had to say. If it hadn't been an insult I would have felt disconnected from her universe as she most likely felt from mine. I had no real reason to let her in and she had no right to be in it. Blood is thicker than water but mental disconnection is more tangible than the metaphor itself used to get inside my head.

I placed the sandwich into a baggy and cleaned my mess. Then I rudely reached beyond my mother's tall form for some sort of sweet on top of the microwave. Then I dashed to the other side of her, using her weight to hold me up as I reached for a straw. I knew deep down I had some mutural respect for her but, for now, I could care less. She was just another tool to push me forward to get a straw, nothing more.

"Bye Beezily. A common nickname of mine. It made me stop and look back at her. She stared me straight in the eyes; the same eyes she found so depressing. The darkness of the kitchen couldn't shy my eyes from hers. My eyes were her eyes after all. My face was her face. I was the lost in the sofisticated and cold glance of the plant I budded from.

"Bye, love you." I slipped away, sinking from the moment. I gathered my things, trying to forget the possible intimate moment we had. It would throw my day off it I lingered in it. I was out the door with backpack and purse in hand.

That's when I felt it hit me...and it hit hard.

Continued in another post


Last edited by Natoxi on Fri Dec 10, 2010 2:12 am; edited 4 times in total (Reason for editing : Very minor typo on P7/L2/W2)
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PostSubject: Nice   Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:39 am

Holy crap, nice writing, I really like the style you use.

Figures I can only write stuff where people die...
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PostSubject: Re: Ordinary Till I Woke   Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:49 am

It was standing there in front of me. What was it? It looked to be an innocent child. She had large, blue eyes and very pale skin. Her hair was blonde, tied back with a blue ribbon. She was hugging a rabbit plush.

"You kept me waiting, you know. He's been waiting too." She clicked her tongue, running her fingers through her glittering her hair. She looked perfect to me, to anyone. "You know, if you pride yourself in being so cute and polite why don't you start acting so?" Her tone was so cold.

"Waiting...?" I took a step back, keeping to my porch. She was in the driveway, a hand placed on my mother's silver car. Her eyes were like daggers, icicles piercing into me and chilling my own blood. "Who, who are you?"

"You know who we are; we were there." She extended her hand to me. "We were there when you were there. You liked it there. You liked when he was there. He was nice to you, remember? You loved him."

My heart leapt out of my chest. At first fear overwhelmed me because the gravity of the situation was with me but beyond me, a paradox I couldn't grasp. Now it felt like I was crushing on someone. My cheeks were even burning at the thought. I loved someone and I didn't even remember his face.

"Tsk tsk, if you love to love why do you shy away from it? Why are you running away from him?" Her voice was still so cold. She let out a giggle. Even her cute giggles were frightening. "He's waiting Noxi, come see him."

My eyes widened, clutching my purse within my hand. "Who is-" Soon enough I found myself unable to breathe, dropping the purse I was using as a security blanket. I looked around, gasping for air as my surroundings seemed to sickly melt into darkness. My mind was losing itself.

Where was Susan?! Where was my house?! Where was the school I was suppose to attend today?! Where was reality when I needed it most.

The girl and I were now closer together. She was only a couple or so inches away from where I stood. She was hugging her rabbit plush, smiling at me sweetly. The coldness seemed to seep away from her and into the darkness. Perhaps it was because she was melting away too. Her rabbit had dissolved into black particles which sunk into the blackness.

"Let me take you to him. He's been waiting an awful long time." She extended both her hands to me. "Don't you know your Kei Kei has been awaiting for you? He wants to see his Kitty-chan today."

My eyes remained red as my heart raced. I remember now who the boy was. I only knew this boy for two months and fell in love with him. I remember it clearly. He had glasses, dark eyes, slightly tanned skin. He was perfect for me. He was mine and I remember it so well.

Without hesitating I grabbed her hands and together we dissolved into the darkness. My final breath of the darkness escaped me. A new sweet relief greeted me.

"Bryanna...Bryanna...Bryanna..." His voice was calling me.

"I'm here. Don't leave me again!"

"Bryanna....I'm being serious the bell rang like two minutes ago."

"What?"

"BRY-ANN-A!" Something flicked my forehead.

"Ow! What the hell?!" I looked up from my cellphone towards Susan.

She was standing over me. Her green eyes were giving me a serious glance as she placed her hands on her hips. She shook her head at me. "What were you doing? Thinking about him?" She asked me.

I looked down at my cellphone, blushing softly as I realized a new message. 8:13, "Good morning Kitty-chan :3 I miss you and love you! Witch Hunter Robin tonight? <3"

I smiled and stood up, responding to the text message quickly. "It's nothing. To english and data!" I shouted, marching proudly to class.

Response to text message. "Morning Prince Kei Kei! I miss you and love you so much <3 Of course we can watch Witch Hunter Robin tonight~ Episode nine right? X3"

Thus, I write this in waiting. I want time to fast forward so tonight I can sink into the darkness of my room, laptop in hand, and escape into a world that isn't reality. It's just pure fantasy after 3:20.

Finished.



Last edited by Ocean Seven on Tue Nov 09, 2010 11:17 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Very minor typo L4/W10)
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Natoxi
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PostSubject: Re: Ordinary Till I Woke   Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:50 am

Thank you so much <3 I like to write about death and love. They are just absolutely fascinating to write about aren't they?
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PostSubject: Re: Ordinary Till I Woke   Tue Nov 09, 2010 11:15 am

Natoxi wrote:
EVen though I had an odd or so ten minutes to get ready, I was trapped.

"You kept me waiting, you know. He's been waiting to."

Minor typos. Fixed both for ya. (uncapped V in Even and fixed 'to' to 'too'.)


Awesome story. Very Happy 9 1/2 / 10 (because I got confuzzled at "Without hesitating I grabbed her hands and together we dissolved into the darkness. My final breath of the darkness escaped me. A new sweet relief greeted me." for a few minutes. Wasn't sure what just happened. (I suppose its 10/10 if you say that that was my fault and I'm just ignorant. XD)

I think I could take some lessons from this for myself lol. I'm terrible at writing affection of any kind other then Blaze's creeper-stalker affection for Ahsuna. (Actually, more of drunken creeper-stalker affection.)

I've only really ever written anything affectionate once, and it turned out pretty terrible imho. Moreso because I had a kid in the scene too, and I was actually writing it as I visualized it in my head. o///o


@Phem:

LOL We're terrible that way, eh? I think it's because its far easier to write hugely descriptive blood&gore without feeling awkward then it is love. XD (I know for the longest time I couldn't even THINK of writing down anything affectionate in One Man War without feeling really really awkward. Hell, I tried to describe a sunrise and I swear my face went red. XD)

Plus its far easier to accept the possible implications of loving death then it is loving writing about love/affection. I actually pride myself in being a mild sadist. XD I blame the music I listen to.

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"I am Forgotten. I am a Defender of Humanity. I risk my very existence every moment of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year. History will be grateful for what I have done, but history will not know who I am, or what I did. I will not be remembered by anyone, anywhere. When I pass on, nobody will know who I was. I live to block the deadly fragments of a grenade; to take a bullet meant for another; to be in harm's way, so that another will not. I exist for the sole purpose of dying. But for what? This is my life, for all it is worth. I am Forgotten."

-Motto of the Forgotten First Legion, 1st Reborn Fleet
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Natoxi
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PostSubject: Re: Ordinary Till I Woke   Tue Nov 09, 2010 11:30 am

XD Thanks for fixing my typos. Honestly, I can never seem to get away from them as hard as I try to. I'll probably revise that bit about the dissolving into darkness. It was essentially the transition from reality (which I often find myself escaping) into fantasy of being with my boyfriend. Sweet relief because no longer does the world of reality bug me, but the sweetness of enjoying his company and knowing he's in the darkness waiting for me, saves me.

Writing about love though is absolutely fascinating and I don't find it awkward at all. I don't think it's because I'm a girl because a lot of girls seem to not grasp the idea of true love (at least, after listening to girls pointless brag about their boyfriends buying them charm bracelets and blah blah blah). Love should just be one of those natural things to write about if you really like the idea of loving someone. You don't even have to me in love, you just need to love the idea of being in love.

I find that when people don't love the idea of loving and try to write it, it either turns out being poorly written or it ends up going too far and becoming more of a sexual fantasy than anything else.

But once I see your styles of writing I'll probably revise my comment. I bet you guys are awesome! X3 Besides, maybe love just isn't your genre. I bet if you keep practicing you'll get it right and even apply it to loving your own significant others ;3
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PostSubject: Re: Ordinary Till I Woke   Tue Nov 09, 2010 12:15 pm

One Man War Ch.17: TGP
53rd MCOH Ch.1: T2P
Solus Ortis

Handy dandy links ftw. Ortis is especially horrendous during the flashback bombardment. I think I wrote that a round hit a pig who then blew up.

Yeah I miss a lot of typos, especially when I try to 'freehand type' (type w/o looking) which if I miss one key and don't catch it, my mental keyboard shifts and I start spelling gibberish. XD I also type fast, but think I type correctly, so I often miss a lot. Especially when I'm writing off the top of my head on the fly I make a lot of grammar and spelling errors because i'm racing to keep up with my thoughts, and sometimes you get the odd lapse in remembering which to, which their, which whatever to use. (I'm especially horrendous with their. I know which one to use, I just use their out of habit. I also spell 'our' as 'out' out of habit, too. XD Freudian Slips are trippy.)

Alls I know is that I write off topic a lot. BA SSBP-1 was 29 pages, most of it senseless babble. I also have to report the the United Nations once a week to ensure that I'm not elsewhere, slaughtering hapless readers with my horrendous writing style. XD

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"I am Forgotten. I am a Defender of Humanity. I risk my very existence every moment of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year. History will be grateful for what I have done, but history will not know who I am, or what I did. I will not be remembered by anyone, anywhere. When I pass on, nobody will know who I was. I live to block the deadly fragments of a grenade; to take a bullet meant for another; to be in harm's way, so that another will not. I exist for the sole purpose of dying. But for what? This is my life, for all it is worth. I am Forgotten."

-Motto of the Forgotten First Legion, 1st Reborn Fleet
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Natoxi
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PostSubject: Re: Ordinary Till I Woke   Wed Nov 10, 2010 12:09 am

Quote :
“Take a look for yourself.” The corporal said, nodding behind them.

“Oh. Shit.”

“I second that statement.”

Can I say I absolutely loved this little bit in Solus Ortis? X3 In a very serious moment you managed to make it light with this. I liked it a lot!

Overall you have a way of capturing tone. I had to skim a bit because I'm delving into a genre I'm not a hard core fan of.I'm a Gundam girl but I can only take so much war.

If you're aiming though to get really 'juicy with the gore' let me suggest really getting descriptive. Then again, I already got the gist of it when the mental images of the pig and oh gosh X_X I'm glad I have a strong stomach!

But I'll continue to read your work. Absolutely fascinating stuff <3
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PostSubject: Re: Ordinary Till I Woke   Wed Nov 10, 2010 11:10 am

Yayy! =D

Yeah, with that statement, they're trying to keep sane in the face of certain death, what with the most terrifying machine on the face of the Earth bearing down on them. I used to do some comedy when I was younger, so I get a weird mix of serious and light comedy when I write now. No matter what kind of hell is happening around the goys of SWATS, Blaze will always be trying to get in Ahsuna's pants.

I do a lot of war because I'm an Air Force 'Fighter Jock' and so it comes naturally to me. Expermental design is one of my hobbies, and I've made some rather weird crap in my lifetime. xD

Most of what I write is heavily influenced by music, most of which is songs that spark extreme emotions. That flashback was based almost entirely around Wash My Blood by Dead Ball P Loves Megurine Luka (EXIT TUNES PRESENTS THE VERY BEST OF Dead Ball P Loves Hatsune Miku)

An interesting album title no doubt. xD

I think my specialty would be describing hopelessness and dispair, and then eventual triumph. (Although it's usually not total triumph- in OMW: Ch.17 it's still Snpr killing his technical father, and although Snpr frees Seven from the BioTerror earlier on, Seven is still eternally damned never to have any innards between his pelvis and base of his rib cage.)

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"I am Forgotten. I am a Defender of Humanity. I risk my very existence every moment of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year. History will be grateful for what I have done, but history will not know who I am, or what I did. I will not be remembered by anyone, anywhere. When I pass on, nobody will know who I was. I live to block the deadly fragments of a grenade; to take a bullet meant for another; to be in harm's way, so that another will not. I exist for the sole purpose of dying. But for what? This is my life, for all it is worth. I am Forgotten."

-Motto of the Forgotten First Legion, 1st Reborn Fleet
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Natoxi
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PostSubject: Re: Ordinary Till I Woke   Wed Nov 10, 2010 2:56 pm

I know exactly how you feel about music! A lot of what I listen to influences what I write. If I cannot find the right music I find myself not able to write or draw. It's quite a dreadful experience XD

I also know the exact song you're speaking of. Anything sung by Luka is just amazing. *pets my Luka Nendoroid*

However, I love playing on dramatics and emotion. I'm absolutely fascinated by love and how it works. How love factors into the moments of happiness, emptiness, etc. can vary so much, especially when you look at each character as a unique individual, a living being even!

I also enjoy playing on hopeless love/unrequited love and star-crossed love.

Unfortunately action scenes and humour (unless dry humour or sarcasism) I fail at. It just escapes me to write passion such as those.
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